Forfeit by Shana Jay

Typing until these thoughts fall off

Listening to my heart until the beat goes soft

Holding my breath waiting for the fairy tale to end

Building the wall brick by brick meditating to Vivaldi’s violin

Skeptical about what’s unknown to me

Unsure about this strange new territory

Seems I’m being put to the test

Forced to show all of my weaknesses and my emotions are about to crest

I can’t quite digest this dose of medication that’s being administered to me

Sugar coating this bittersweet substance makes my stomach queasy

The valley of distance is persistent maybe I should take heed

Be careful and tread lightly are the words that dance in my head

Premeditated is not the ending I contemplated yet patience is the penalty

I see more than I speak of sometimes its better this way

I discern what isn’t visible to the naked eye revealing the master of disguise

 Anxiety builds quiet as a mouse recanting my appeal

Not really sure of what I believe to be true

Time reveals the concern as the four seasons build an unbearable weight

I sit back keeping track of what’s fiction and fact giving my heart time to deliberate

My mind operates on levels I can’t explain

I turn it over to God the controller of my domain

Not afraid to take risk just leery of the aftermath

Not sure if rekindling is the right path

I dig deep in my love language leaving signs along the way

My mind says you can do this

My heart says sorry I’m not ready Im afraid I don’t want to play