Monday, July 18, 2011

Date Night Gone Wrong by Shana Jay

A friend of mine called me in utter disgust because she decided to take a chance and get back on the dating scene.  She told me she met this guy at a new spot here in Memphis and because it was a laid back, grown folk’s atmosphere she gave him her number. She told me the conversation over the phone was great and that she couldn’t wait to go out with him.  They made plans to go out and eat at his favorite restaurant which was good since she had never been.
She told me that she liked the fact that he wasn’t cheap by any means and I laughed because most men really are in this day and time. She said the conversation was going well until she mentioned church. He began to go on and on about how preachers are nothing but “Pimps in the Pulpit” and that he doesn’t go to church because of that fact.  She told me how he was open about the fact that he was well established. He was in his final stages of graduating with his Doctorate in Education in a few weeks and how was also planning to open a Charter School.
            While eating he revealed that he was a principal at a well known middle school but that he got into some trouble that landed him in jail and a spot on the news. This was a 2nd red flag but she allowed him to tell his side of the story since he was wiling to share. He talked about how he was divorced and also had a 4 yr old son.  She expressed how the date was still going smooth just a little turbulence now and then.
            After dinner he decided that he wanted her to go out for more drinks then a movie.  He wanted her to drop her car off at his home then they could ride together in his vehicle.  My friend and I are very uncomfortable about getting in cars with men we are just meeting and trying to get to know simply because people are crazy. She told me that he could tell she was uneasy about the whole idea but he pushed the fact that he wouldn’t harm her in any way.
 So she went ahead with his plan got in the car with him and headed to the bar. She said after a few drinks her date (the guy) began to get a little too loose.   The topic of discussion was his ex wife and how she had the cookie cutter mentality in the bedroom. He asked her if she was open minded to different experiences. Now listening to her I was thinking oh wow is this really a first date discussion. She told him that she was open to different things then the question about inviting others into the bedroom surfaced. I just laughed and shook my head.
She said that he also wanted her to know that he was an overall champ when it came down to oral sex.  He also told her that she could lay everything down on the table since he was being so open. She told him that wasn’t appropriate because dating is getting to know someone gradually it’s a process. Frankly you don’t lay all your business out on the table because you really don’t know what type of individual you are dealing in my opinion.
She said he seemed to get agitated that she wasn’t as open as he was. The next venture was to the movies. She said all he wanted to do was fondle and kiss on her and because she wasn’t receptive he got agitated again. He dozed off in the movie at times and lightly snored and smacked his lips in his sleep. She told me that if she had driven her car she would have excused herself and left with without him knowing. When the movie was over he took her back to his place to get her car. Of course he asked her to come up for a night cap and when she declined he got upset again.
In conclusion, it seems that men have no clue about how to date/court anymore. I can only blame the loose desperate women who have just been way to easy. Whatever happened to getting to know a person and going out more than one time without expecting sex or lip and mouth service just because of who you are or what you have?  Let me just get straight to the point it’s really hard to meet a person with substance and standards. Every body seems to want a quick fix rushing the process instead of investigating or try to see if the party involved has any functioning brain cells for that matter.   I just hope this so called dating game gets better because from my experience and others its shot to hell.
Shana Jay

Sunday, July 10, 2011

The Stylistics - People Make The World Go Round.

Dear God, Please Deliver Me from People By Shana Jay

“For out of the mouth come forth from the heart” Matthew 15:18

It’s funny how the very thing that you can’t stand in one person could be the very thing (characteristic) that you can’t stand within yourself. I know for a fact that no one is perfect and that everyone has a flaw or two or maybe even three or four.  What I don’t understand is how quickly we choose to point these imperfections out in one another instead of trying to help.
            I do realize some people no matter how hard you try are simply a lost cause. You will have to take the initiative to just lift these lost souls up in prayer and hand them over to the sweet baby Jesus Himself.   Now an issue that I have with people is how quickly we get caught up in gossip or hearsay.  I’ve learned within my 30 years of living that you have to be careful of the information that’s being brought to you. I seek God and ask that He sharpens my spirit of discernment to reveal the motives and intentions of the messenger.
            We have become so thirsty for negativity it’s pathetic. What I will not tolerate, condone, nor give ear to is the slander or cutting down (crucifying) of the next woman or man.  Matthew 18:15-17 states that “If your brother or sister sins against you go point out their fault just between the two of you, if he hears you, you have won him over but if they will not listen take one or two others along so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses if they still refuse to listen tell it to the church and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or tax collector.”
            So basically if you have an issue because someone has offended you then the proper way to handle the situation is to go to them in a private manner it’s not for you to tear them down in return. I can honestly say that I have been more offended by the church (people/folks) than with the commoners (worldly) people in the streets. I think what really bothers me the most is how quickly we set out to destroy each other.
            You have to be very careful of who you “put your mouth on.” I say this because if you are going by hearsay then it doesn’t make the situation valid. I am aware of this there are always three sides to each story mine, yours, and then there is the truth. Time reveals all things and a person can only hide their true selves for so long.  If a person’s character or integrity is in question it will all come out in the wash. 
            In conclusion, the tongue is a powerful thing. Proverbs 18:21 states “Death and life are in the power of the tongue and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.  We as people need to learn how to handle offense of others in a more appropriate manner.  People are going to always talk they are going to always form opinions and because opinions are like buttholes you must know everybody has one. It’s our attitudes that will determine if we grow or damage the relationship.  The goal for today is to take Michael Jackson’s advice and look at the man or woman in the mirror. Last but not least be mindful of your words, actions or reactions to certain situations you never know how this will affect the next person.
Shana Jay

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Prince - When Doves Cry (SONG OF THE DAY)

Domestic Violence by Shana Jay

Beauty & the Beast

            Everything about him was different so she thought.  The gentleman was all that she thought she needed the provider, the comforter, the comedian, The father figure to the children but indeed she was mistaken.  Why was she such a poor judge of character? All the signs were there but she thought that through love it would heal him from his past.  Beauty was her name she was the epitome of just that.  It was very rare to find someone who was beautiful inside and out.  She always had a way of making the best out of a seemingly bad situation.  Beauty thought that she could save the world when in deed she would have to save herself. 
             The gentleman was delightful at times but when faced with hardship he had no way of controlling his rage.  He would transform into the vicious Beast that would challenge anyone that tried to get close to him.  The gentleman was angry about so many things a broken individual indeed; his life was not all sunshine and rainbows.  The gentleman spoke of betrayal and deceit.  He talked of never being able to really trust anyone.  Beauty would comfort him she thought in her mind that she was the only that could protect him from such devastation.  When the Beast would come out she was the only one who could calm him. 
            The Beast would cry out, Beauty would tend to the Beast like a shepherd to his sheep.  Beauty was there to cry with him and help him deal with his struggles.  Beauty would express to him that he was the greatest gist of all in her life.  She would hold him until the Beast was subside.  Beauty’s love for the gentleman was not enough.  Beauty didn’t realize that his hurts were deeper than she imagined.  Eventually as time past The Beast was not easily subdued in anger was so profound that Beauty began to fear for her safety.  The gentleman was now just a figment of her imagination.  The Beast was her reality now and there was no escaping him without loosing her life. 
            Beauty’s future was very clear to her as she began to paint the picture. The picture revealed that indeed she would die.  The Beast would take her and strip her of her pride.  Her graceful smile would be hidden under disfigurement of scraps and bruises.  Sadly Beauty will stay to the end hoping that she would be able to tame the gentleman’s inner beast, but to no avail Beauty will be defeated loving the gentleman more than she herself dying by the rage of his inner Beast.  What Beauty failed to realize is that only the gentleman could save himself he was his own worse enemy. 

Domestic Violence also known as domestic abuse, spousal abuse, family violence and intimate partner violence is something that I am all to familiar with.  When I googled the word Domestic Violence it listed many forms such as physical aggression (hitting, kicking, biting, shoving, restraining, slapping, throwing objects), or threats thereof: sexual abuse; emotional abuse; controlling or domineering; intimidation etc.  Let me just say that being in a relationship with Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde was a total nightmare.  
The guy I was involved with wanted to control me and for people who know me on a personal level know all to well that will never happen. At times I was afraid to be myself because it seemed to set off his anger.  He would always accuse me of cheating on him which was crazy cause I spent all of my time with him.  If things didn’t go right in his day I would reap the consequences. He always found a way to apologize for putting his hands on me by giving me lavish gifts to makeup for his violent episodes.
When he drank it was like he turned into a totally different person. He was very aggressive and became agitated very easily. I decided enough was enough after he beat me at his home in front of his family. I really thought that I was going to die that night. It was only God that got me out of that situation. Of course he didn’t want things to end so he broke into my house and pulled a gun on my kids and me.  I prayed and asked God to get me out of the situation once again and He did.
In conclusion, domestic violence is very real and I never would have thought that something like that would happen to me. What I learned from that situation is when a person shows you who they really are believe them it can possibly save your life.  This is one of my testimonies that I am comfortable enough to share with you. If you’re in a situation that shows its self to be harmful to you and others around you please call 1-800-799-7233 (Domestic Violence Hotline)
Shana Jay