Friday, May 27, 2011

Can People Change? By Shana Jay

Growth means change and change involves risk, stepping from the known to the unknown.” 

Can people change is as common question that I sit ask myself as I observe the actions of others.  A lot of the time people desire to change but they have no clue where to even begin the process.  I can remember reading my journal and at the time I was dating this guy who would tell me time and time again that he had changed or he was in the process of changing. He would tell me how he looked at the type of person that he had become and he didn’t like what he saw. The thing is his actions would never line up with his words.
            I noticed that he would change for the moment to get back in good graces with me. Then over time when he saw that he had me back under lock and key he would revert back to his selfish manipulative ways. I went through this vicious cycle for years in hopes that one day the person I saw beyond the “Under Construction” sign would soon blossom from his cocoon of immaturity to the butterfly of potential that he was meant to take flight in.
When I took the time to go back and read my journals it was like watching a bad rerun and it was my fault for not canceling the show. I admit I played a hand in this catastrophe too.  I thought that I could help him assist in his process of change by trying to be an example to him, but that mission failed horribly. It failed because I am not perfect and the only perfect example to live by is God not man.  Only God can change a man’s heart and place the desire in him to want to live as He(God)  intended for him too.

  In conclusion, no matter how hard I loved on this man and supported him as if I were his personal cheerleader it was a useless effort.  If a person doesn’t see his own potential or pursue change then no matter what you do or say to encourage this person will matter.  Studies show that if you help a butterfly out of his cocoon it will die. The only way to strengthen its wings is by beating its wings against the cocoon so it muscles will grow strong. When the butterfly is helped or assisted out of its cocoon it prevents the development needed for survival. Therefore I learned that my actions were hindering his process to grow and mature on his own. The best thing that I did in the situation was to let go and even though it hurt like hell it was the best decision for both of us. I strongly believe the saying “If You Love Something Set It Free If It Comes Back, It Was and Always Will Be Yours. If It Never Returns, It Was Never Yours To Begin With.”
Shana Jay    


  1. Interesting... The quote at the end of this post, I made a status about it earlier today. When it comes back though... will it be the same? Better? worse? whose to really say that it was yours? ~Concerned Follower~

  2. *tickled* When God makes a promise then what's mine is mines ya know what I mean. In my situation that person wasn't the only one who needed some changes that needed to be made. When it comes things shudn't be the same hopefully both parties would have healed and matured in the areas that were lacking .... If a person doesn't want or desire to be there they will not come back ...would u? This is my opinion and thanks anonymous u keeping me thinking lol