Monday, May 23, 2011

Goin Steady by Shana Jay

I love all kinds of music from Rap, R&B, Jazz, Neo Soul etc.  I don’t discriminate, but what I have learned to do is listen to the words. This one song that caught my attention was “Goin Steady By Rocko” So I’m rocking to the beat, but then when I heard the lyrics it truly disturbed me. There are women out here who play the role of the fun girl thinking its cute but in the end they are the ones to get hurt mentally and emotionally. He made it known in his lyrics that he wanted a fun girl no strings attached.  Rocko opens up the song by saying these words:
We ain't goin' steady, we just be fuckin' 'round
Yeah the sex great but damn babe we fuckin' 'round
Girl you got me hot, poppin' up at my spot,
You out yo got damn mind, what the fuck is you thinkin' 'bout?
You've been misinformed, sorry if you read me wrong
I told you what you wanted to hear, sorry if I lead you on
Yeah that pussy good, girl I ain't gon' lie
But if you are lookin' for a dude, girl I ain't yo guy
I'm not gon' come over every day, I'm not gon' talk to you
On the phone all the time, you fuckin' stalker you
Look I ain't tryin' to be rude, but I ain't tryin' to eat your food
I'm gon' keep it funky with you, girl we ain't that cool

We just be coolin' it, we ain't goin' steady
Just hit my phone when you wanna play, girl you know I'm ready
We just be fuckin' 'round, girl you know better
You ain't my main squeeze, it ain't like we go together
You just my lil' buddy, we ain't goin' steady
Girl we just be fuckin', we ain't goin' steady
You just my fun girl, and me and you know better
We just be kickin' it, it ain't like we go together

After my divorce I didn’t want a relationship. I was like a caged bird and I wanted to be free. The dating game was fun for a minute but a lot of the men didn’t play by the rules. One guy in particular let me know up front like Rocko did in his song (but in a nicer tone) that we were just friends and nothing more. Foolish and naïve, I thought that I could play this game and not get emotionally attached. I didn’t consult my heart I just took a chance and dived into the deepest of the sea. After all its common knowledge that women are emotional creatures and I truly believe that I am the founder and CEO of emotions when it comes to relationships. At first I was okay with being the fun girl I fulfilled just about all his fantasies and mine too. We were both enjoying the ride but of course over time my feelings changed toward him. I wanted more than the fantasies I wanted the reality. To my dismay his feelings towards me never changed he remained consistent in letting me know that he wasn’t looking for a relationship and that he liked what we had. Long story short I continued in this tangled web until it almost choked the very life out of me.  I couldn’t fault him in the situation it was truly all on me for getting involved with him.  One thing I do know is within a few minutes of interaction a man has already determined what category you will fit in “His Fun Girl” Or “His Potential”.  In conclusion, the toughest lesson that had to be learned was self respect and self love.  I had to learn to love myself and realize I was heading down a dark road of self destruction. God made me special and fashioned me for love and to have that love reciprocated back. He never desired for me to be a “Fun Girl” He desired for me to be a “Virtuous Women.” Moreover “Fun girls” don’t go home to meet their mothers “Virtuous Women” do.

Shana Jay


  1. Hey Shana,

    You are so right, women are emotional creatures and we have to go through something to understand who we are and where God wants us to be. Once we get torn down to pieces, God picks us up, he truly wants us to recognize him, give him praise, and keep him 1st in life. Knowing what you want, being able to verbalize what you want helps us get through life and we are able to analyze people from the jump because of our experiences. This is not designed to make us bitter, but it is to increase our awareness, realize God can bring us out of any situation and it let's us love ourselves more knowing that we have learned from one of life's teaching lessons.