Monday, May 23, 2011

Toxic Relationships by Shana Jay

I must admit I have been in several Toxic Relationships and it’s nothing that I am proud of.   You see what I am learning is that there is no “I” in any relationship it actually takes a joint effort.  I was surfing the internet on this topic and came across a website that gave 25 Ways to Tell if Your Relationship is Toxic…….when I read the list I was convicted I was thinking what is it about me that draws these types of personalities into my circle. When I say “Relationships” one can not be closed minded I am speaking on both male and female relationship, family members, church members, co-workers etc. but today I would like to focus on male/female relationships. I had to narrow down a few key points on the list of 25 that really stood out to me:

Your friends/family doesn’t like your partner or don't think he is good for you.

Whew! Now when your friends and family see something isn’t right with your new chic or new beau then you may want to take sometime and evaluate the situation at hand because obviously they see something in this person that is toxic and will not work for you. I make it a point to bring my new flings around family and friends because I can always count on them to tell me the truth! Its one thing for one person to tell you he or she ain’t it but for a multitude to give you the same reaction is a definite red flag.  Some where deep down inside you know that person is not the one so why waste valuable time and energy when you can direct or channel your love else where to someone who is deserving of your love! I want that 50/50 love not 80/20 enough said.

Your partner tells you he/she loves you but behavior shows otherwise. 

Man this is a good one! He said to me “I love you baby you know I do” but his actions DID NOT reflect this. I was told actions speak louder than words!  If you love a person you should be able to take them at face value understanding that they are not perfect. The Bible has a clear picture to paint in regards to what love is let me help you:
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.
Now if this isn’t clear enough you may want to seek further assistance to get better understanding.  
You cry often or feel depressed over your relationship

I have cried a river, lake and ocean over past relationships believe me. My relationship was so rotten that it was even noticeable on my job cause guess what I was miserable! My wise friend told me if he makes you cry more than smile then you don’t need him you can do bad all by yourself. Your partner should make you happy even though in a perfect world things never go wrong you will always be on cloud infatuation number 9  but in reality things do happen problems will arise but not to a point where a compromise cant solve the matter and make both partners happy. A person should not have that much power over you to ruin your day and make you cry and be depressed you have way too much to be thankful for!

Your partner accuses you of cheating and is overly jealous. 

The key word here is “Insecurity” if your partner is insecure then you will be forever on an emotional rollercoaster. Trust me I played both roles of the accuser and the accused and this doesn’t feel good at all. The Green eyed monster was also something that I had to overcome as well. If you are with someone who is frequently accusing you of cheating nine times out of ten you may want to check them. In my opinion it is a sign of guilt. (Now there can be other situations to raise the cheating question because he or she really are cheating but you know the signs way before the questions comes up because you saw the characteristics of whorishness in the individual in the beginning or as time went along) Being a private eye is time consuming and takes a lot of energy if you do not trust your partner then move on the relationship will never work. If you do not have trust in a relationship you have nothing and that advice is free. Being accused of something you are innocent of is hurtful and can cause tension in any relationship so please be wise if you’re insecure/jealous work on yourself before taking someone else through the trials and tribulations of your emotional state it isn’t fair to them or you nor is it healthy!

I want to close by saying no relationship is perfect but you don’t have to tolerate mistreatment from anyone or lower your standards either. Being in a toxic relationship not only affects you but the people around you too. If you are not happy then do what will make you happy. I am learning that it’s okay to be alone rather than living in misery. This note is my opinion and I do understand some may agree to disagree but all I want to promote is healthy living and self-love.

Shana Jay

No comments:

Post a Comment